Ultimate Warrior Reviews: De-Icing Rock Salt, Brown Coarse Grain 25 Kg Bag

G’AHHHHH. G’AHHHH. IN THE FAR TIMES NOT LONG AGO, BUT BY WHICH MANY YEARS HAVE HENCEFORTH PAST, WHEN THE EARTH WAS STILL COVERED FROZEN BY HAILS AND SLEETS AND POUNDING DRIVING FURIOUS STORMS FROM THE HEAVENS ABOVE, WHEN THE VOLCANIC ASH OF VOLCANOES HAD SPEWED FORTH AND MADE A CANOPY OF NOTHINGNESS AND DARKNESS AND DARK NOTHINGNESS, SEVERING THE MOON’S ARCHING FURY BROUGHT DOWN BY THE ASTEROID DESTROYER IN THE EMBRYONIC COIL OF THE SERPENTINE ANNIHILATOR…THERE I HAD SURVIVED AMID THE CHAOS, AND THOSE WARRIORS WHO HAD LEFT THEIR LEGACY OF COMBAT UPON THE FORSAKEN LAND. THE NORMALS, THEY CANNOT LIVE FOREVER, NO MAN CAN LIVE FOREVER PHYSICALLY, EVEN THOSE WHO SPILL THEIR GUTS AND BRAINS AS TRIBUTE AMID THE TRAMPLING DINOSAUR AND THE DINO-MASTERS AS THEY DO BATTLE ATOP THEIR SUBMARINE SABERTOOTHS. BUT DOWN THEIR FACES IS A LEGACY. CONSTELLATIONS PAINTED BY THE PAIN OF THEIR IDEALS AND WHAT THEY BELIEVE IN. IDEALS WHICH CAN LIVE THROUGH ME AND BE SPREAD AMONG MY LITTLE WARRIORS, AS THEY TEAR INTO MY FLESH, RIP INTO MY TENDONS AND SUBDIVIDE MY ENTRAILS ALONG THE PATH TO PARTS UNKNOWN. AND ALL THE CITIES WHICH HAD ONCE STOOD WERE SILENT SAVE FOR THE POUNDING DRUMS AS THE WARRIORS RISE AGAIN FROM THE ASHES OF A LAND BEFORE TIME HAD FORGET AND FORGED THEIR FURY AS I FEED UPON THOSE VISIONS OF FRUSTRATION FROM THE PAST. THE FINAL VISIONS OF THE HOUR GLASS FILTER THROUGH THE SCEPTER IN THE SANDS OF TIME WHICH HAVE NOT YET JUDGED FOR WHAT IS YET TO BE JUDGED... ULTIMATE JUDGMENT.

Winter Weather Warning... Expect 12" of PAIN.

4/5= Powerful

SPECIAL GUEST REVIEW! Cyperion* Reviews: Antique Dalmatian Beer Stein

*Editor: For Cyperion's First appearance,
check post # 3.

Ultimate Warrior Replies to Comments from Paul Bearer Regarding AT&T-EL-52209 Cordless Phone

MR. PAUL BEARER, THE BLOODSHOT LOOK IN MY EYES HAS BEEN MISINTERPRETED AS THE FEAR YOU KNOW BUT IS A QUESTION OF DESTINY WITHIN THE POWER OF THE GODS AND THE WARRIOR. THE LITTLE WARRIORS AND I FEAR NOT YOUR NOTION OF DEATH, AS EACH OF US JOINS ALONG SIDE THE GODS UPON A THRONE OF SKULLS AND MAYHEM AND THE FIRES STOKED BY INTENSITY WITHIN THE BURNING STINKING HEART OF PARTS UNKNOWN. MR. PAUL BEARER YOU SPEAK OF FEAR... BUT THE WARRIOR AND HIS LITTLE WARRIORS FEAR NOT WORMS, FEAR NOT SPIDERS, FEAR NOT RUSTY NAILS, FEAR NOT DRY ICE, FEAR NOT INEPTITUDE, FEAR NOT INSOLUBILITY, FEAR NOT INTERPREPIDATION AND FEAR NOT SPENDING LESS MILKY WAY CREDITS FOR A GREATER UNIVERSAL VALUE. AND ALTHOUGH MY SPACESHIP IDLES MILES ABOVE EARTH TO RETURN THE WARRIOR TO PARTS UNKOWNN I CANNOT REST AND SHALL NOT REST AND REFUSE TO REST, UNTIL THE WORLD BECOMES AWARE THAT THE AT&T-EL-52209 CORDLESS PHONE COMES STANDARD WITH A LARGE LIGHTED DISPLAY AND NUMBER DIRECTORY AS WELL AS A HANDS FREE SPEAKER PHONE SYSTEM. YOU WANT TO TRAMPLE ON BEES MR. PAUL BEARER, INTENSE KILLER BEES, YOU WANT TO TRIFLE WITH THIS FREAK A NATURE THAT ATTACKS AND KEEPS COMING UNTIL THERE'S NOTHING LEFT BUT THE NEED, THE NEED FOR COMBAT AND A HOUSE WITH ALL THE GLASS SHATTERED FROM THE WINDOWS AND THE SHINGLES ALL BLOWN FROM THE ROOF AND A TERRIBLE SMELL THAT COMES FROM SOMEWHERE THAT YOU CAN’T FIGURE OUT AND YOU CAN’T GET RID OF IT BECAUSE YOU DON’T KNOW WHERE IT'S COMING FROM BECAUSE IT COMING AT YOU FROM EVERY WHICH WAY AT ONCE. LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING MR. PAUL BEARER, THE AT&T-EL-52209 IS AN ULTIMATE VALUE WHEN SET ASIDE IN THE HALLS OF TIME, NOT LOST AND GIVEN BUT BURIED AND TORMENTED, WITH SIMILAR MODEL PHONES IN A COMPARABLE PRICE RANGE. ***SNNNNNNNNARRRRLLLL***


THANK YOU FOR WRITING.

"Mr. The Ultimate Warrior, I think the phone is for booooooooo!"- Paul Bearer

Editor's Note: Warrior is having difficulty posting comments in the comments section. Troubleshooting would be greatly appreciated.

The Warrior Reviews: AT&T-EL-52209 Cordless Phone

WHY…WHY CAN YOU NOT COMMUNICATE. COMMUNICATE WITH ME AS IF YOU WERE SPEAKING TO A GOD! THE ULTIMATE HAS BEEN BONDED TO THE CLARITY OF THE CELESTIAL WIRELESS FROM WHICH THE NIMBUS HAS PROTRACTED THE DUNE MASTER IN THE VICTORY OF MANY TIME BATTLES MADE ONE. ONLY ONE CAN STAND BETWEEN THE LITTLE WARRIORS AND THE RAGING ANTHROPOMETRIC ASTEROID THAT PLUMMETS THROUGH THE ATMOSPHERE AND CREATES A GARGANTUAN FLAMING HOLE OF GLORY IN THE SIDE OF A BUILDING AND THEN HITS SEVEN CARS WITH THE FORCE OF A GRANULAR RHINOCEROS! YOU SEE THAT DUDE? YOU HEAR THAT IN THE STREETS? ARE YOU PICKING UP THE SIGNAL OF 1,000 LITTLE WARRIORS ROARING TO THE HEAVENS ABOVE? ULTIMATE BATTLE AND THE VIRTUE OF JUSTICE UNTIES MY HANDS FROM A DESTINY SET IN MOTION SO MANY SECONDS, SO MANY MINUTES, SO MANY HOURS, SO MANY DAYS, SO MANY YEARS, SO MANY CENTURIES, SO MANY EONS AGO. WHEN ALL CONCEIVABLE ENDPOINTS PROTRACTED INTO A PULSATING CELESTIAL ORGAN, COLLIDING LIKE A STEAMING WATERFALL ABOVE THE CLIFFS OF RANGOOMARK, THIRD MOON OF ZOD, WHERE THE CYBER WEREWOLVES DWELL BEYOND ALL COMPREHENSION AND ETERNITY IN THE NIGHTMARES OF THE UNPLEASANT DRACULA. DESTINY BECKONS THE NEXT SUPERHERO THROUGH ALL THE EXPANDING BINARY THAT EMBODY AND BETRAY THE INEXHAUSTIBLE INTOLERABLE INHUMANOID, I AM THE ONE WHO EMBODIES THE POWER NUCLEUS NECESSARY TO DESTROY ALL THOSE UNPLEASANTRIES WHICH HANG LIKE UVULAS IN THE BACK OF EVERY LITTLE WARRIORS WAILING CRY. TOGETHER WE LIFT OUR GLIMMERING SWORDS LIKE LIGHTNING RODS IN THE STORM, AND SHAKE OR SCEPTERS LIKE SNAKES AS THE RAIN WASHES FOR OUR HAIR AND THROBBING DELTOIDS THE BLOOD AND ENTRAILS OF THOSE ENEMIES WHO WE HAVE SLAIN AND LEFT AS A TRUMPLED MASS OF GUTS AND EYEBALLS AND TENDONS AND NOSES AND EARWAX IN OUR BRINY WAKE. NOW THAT WE HAVE KNOWN COMBAT, SO WE HAVE LEARNED THE POWER OF THE WA’YAAAAAH.

3/5= Intense