The Warrior Reviews: AT&T-EL-52209 Cordless Phone

WHY…WHY CAN YOU NOT COMMUNICATE. COMMUNICATE WITH ME AS IF YOU WERE SPEAKING TO A GOD! THE ULTIMATE HAS BEEN BONDED TO THE CLARITY OF THE CELESTIAL WIRELESS FROM WHICH THE NIMBUS HAS PROTRACTED THE DUNE MASTER IN THE VICTORY OF MANY TIME BATTLES MADE ONE. ONLY ONE CAN STAND BETWEEN THE LITTLE WARRIORS AND THE RAGING ANTHROPOMETRIC ASTEROID THAT PLUMMETS THROUGH THE ATMOSPHERE AND CREATES A GARGANTUAN FLAMING HOLE OF GLORY IN THE SIDE OF A BUILDING AND THEN HITS SEVEN CARS WITH THE FORCE OF A GRANULAR RHINOCEROS! YOU SEE THAT DUDE? YOU HEAR THAT IN THE STREETS? ARE YOU PICKING UP THE SIGNAL OF 1,000 LITTLE WARRIORS ROARING TO THE HEAVENS ABOVE? ULTIMATE BATTLE AND THE VIRTUE OF JUSTICE UNTIES MY HANDS FROM A DESTINY SET IN MOTION SO MANY SECONDS, SO MANY MINUTES, SO MANY HOURS, SO MANY DAYS, SO MANY YEARS, SO MANY CENTURIES, SO MANY EONS AGO. WHEN ALL CONCEIVABLE ENDPOINTS PROTRACTED INTO A PULSATING CELESTIAL ORGAN, COLLIDING LIKE A STEAMING WATERFALL ABOVE THE CLIFFS OF RANGOOMARK, THIRD MOON OF ZOD, WHERE THE CYBER WEREWOLVES DWELL BEYOND ALL COMPREHENSION AND ETERNITY IN THE NIGHTMARES OF THE UNPLEASANT DRACULA. DESTINY BECKONS THE NEXT SUPERHERO THROUGH ALL THE EXPANDING BINARY THAT EMBODY AND BETRAY THE INEXHAUSTIBLE INTOLERABLE INHUMANOID, I AM THE ONE WHO EMBODIES THE POWER NUCLEUS NECESSARY TO DESTROY ALL THOSE UNPLEASANTRIES WHICH HANG LIKE UVULAS IN THE BACK OF EVERY LITTLE WARRIORS WAILING CRY. TOGETHER WE LIFT OUR GLIMMERING SWORDS LIKE LIGHTNING RODS IN THE STORM, AND SHAKE OR SCEPTERS LIKE SNAKES AS THE RAIN WASHES FOR OUR HAIR AND THROBBING DELTOIDS THE BLOOD AND ENTRAILS OF THOSE ENEMIES WHO WE HAVE SLAIN AND LEFT AS A TRUMPLED MASS OF GUTS AND EYEBALLS AND TENDONS AND NOSES AND EARWAX IN OUR BRINY WAKE. NOW THAT WE HAVE KNOWN COMBAT, SO WE HAVE LEARNED THE POWER OF THE WA’YAAAAAH.

3/5= Intense